Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Gandalf vs. Dumbledore

For those of you that don't know, I am currently training for the Lincoln half marathon on May 6. It is a huge commitment of my time and a lot of running. When I run I need some pumped up jams to keep me motivated like this and this. Especially on my long run days, like last Sunday, for instance.

I was well into mile four heading to the finish line at mile five when it happened. All of a sudden there was what sounded like a drunk yelling in slow motion and then this happened.

You see, my husband and I share a Spotify account. Or I should say, I mooch of his and created myself a sweet running catalog of hits. Apparently two weeks ago when he was creating a nerd playlist to be heard during The Two-Headed Nerd Comicast one year anniversary/birthday party, he starred this song and dragged it to what he thought was the nerd folder. Alas, it was my running folder.

I almost fell off my treadmill when it came on. Seriously, to the ground. Even the photo that popped up when I went to change the tune almost stopped me on the moving belt. But, just as I was about to swipe on to the next song, something took over and my finger froze. That's when the rapping started. But not just any rapper, oh no. This was Gandalf from 'The Hobbit' and 'The Lord of the Rings' versus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series. IT WAS AMAZING! Words cannot do it justice, so the lyrics are below.

You shall not pass!
I rap fast like Shadowfax
Tom Riddle me this, you bitch
How's your little wand gonna beat my staff?
I leave mics in flames, torched by Gandalf,
Touch mine Dumbledore and scorch your other hand off
You fool, you got Snaped, you're not a real fighter
Death makes you die and just makes my brights, brighter
You ass is like Grigotts, everyone makes a deposit,
We all know you've more than a boggart in your closet

The prophecy forgot to mention this day,
When I knocked your ass back to Gandalf the Grey
Check your status, they call me headmaster, you're nothing
Nice staff, you compensating for something?
I prefer the company of wizards and I'm proud of it,
You try to win your battles with two fat hobbits
You think your hairy toed friends are gonna harm me?
Wait 'til the get a taste of Dumbledore's Army

Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks,
I don't give a Fawkes about your Order of Phoenix
I'll tie a new not in your beard, with your wrinkly balls
For I am the one rapper to rule them all

Your spells are a joke, not funny ones either
Mines of Moria? Ha, more like Mind of Mencia
I'll Expecto my Patronum on your face, you little snitch
And when I'm finished, I'mma fly like it's-a quidditch.

I think this has to be my new running song, right?!