Carlos the Dwarf

I am not even going to try and explain my absence. Really there is no excuse except that I am easily distracted with such things as work, Spaghetti Night, drinking wine, going out with friends, watching Parks and Recreation and so on.

So now that I am back, I thought I would revisit a topic that I have previously discussed on this blog. Welcome back: Dungeons & Dragons aka D & D.

Why revisit? Well, it started a few weeks ago while I was out with some buddies and consumed a few delicious red margaritas from Rivera's. When I arrived home, my husband had his monthly D & D game going on in our basement. I was far to drunk to drive myself anywhere else for the evening and they were short a player so I volunteered my services. Looking back, this would have been a disaster to all the basement dudes, so my husband made the right choice leaving me upstairs to watch the same three episodes of Law & Order: UK on the BBC the rest of the night.

Side note, one of the stars on the law part of that show was one of the main guys on the Battlestar Galactica reboot. I feel by being able to identify him I get some props and might just inch ahead of ninja's on my husbands favorite things chart (fingers crossed).

Ever since that night D & D has been surfacing everywhere I look. It first started with a clip from Freaks & Geeks (R.I.P). I sat over my lunch break and watched all 5 minutes of the clip laughing to myself thinking, "Oh my god. This is my husband and his friends, except they are much more attractive." (Disclaimer: James Franco is smoking hot, sorry dudes, he's the exception to the attractive statement)

Next, all I have been hearing for weeks is about the D & D episode that Community was going to air. As I sat there and watched it with my husband, I noticed between his giggles there were a few head shakes followed by, "They needed to get a real nerd in there to research this. Everyone should be rolling the dice. That's just not right."

I would ask a question here and there to him usually along the lines of "Do you do this?"
The response was usually a vague, "Sometimes...."

After that I made him watch the Freaks & Geeks clip and that seemed to be more similar to the D & D he and his buddies play what was on Community.

More importantly the clip and episode got me thinking. What really happens in our basement the first Friday of each month? I am not allowed to venture down there, nor do I ever think I should, but my imagination went wild and here is what I think should happen:

-Everyone needs to dress in character a la Senor Chang, even if it is a mild hate crime
-Invite James Franco
-Pencil sword fight like the geeks in the clip with a disco song playing in the background at least once an hour
-Eat an entire pizza...each
-Turn it Glee-esq by adding a song and dance number each time you arrive at a new village or meet a new character
-Give all your characters Latino names a la Carlos the Dwarf
-Someone dies of dysentery
-Harry Potter's invisibility cloak is introduced in the game, as well as Harry Potter, Boy Wizard (you would have to change his name however to follow the new rules, so welcome 'Hector Potter, Hechicero Chico')
-Your characters can only speak in Kayne West tweets.
For example: Jesus, Gnomo de Jardín enters the village Hogsmeade and stumbles upon Charo, Princesa Guerrera. He needs to buy a marble conference table.
Jesus: Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I'm looking to have a conference... not until I get the table though
Charo: choose em wise
Jesus: Swiizzzzzzzyyyyy ..... I ain't playing fair right now...
Charo: I'm just tryna keep it symmetrical
Jesus: Let me talk to your boss's boss
Charo: CASH IS KING
Jesus: So Ima get my money LETS GO!
and scene....