Guardians of the Galaxy

Tonight I went into our home office and grabbed the first comic book I could find. Guardians of the Galaxy #18. Based on the cover art alone, the Guardians are the poor man's version of The Avengers.

There is this big guy with HUGE muscles, shirtless of course, smiling. A lady in a spandex suit with abnormally pointy breasts. There is a guy similar to Captain America, shield and all. Although, this guy has a flowing viking red beard and hair. Next to him is an older muscle tank shirt wearing man. Oh! You know who this guy looks like? The dad from "Orange County Choppers." Yep, that's totally it. Finally there is this blue butterfly man in the sky. His wings look transparent. I would say he is the weakest link just based on well his transparent butterfly wings. Even the lady in spandex has a freaking gun.

Now I am going to read this issue and will post my thoughts below.....

-I am already lost. What does 'anomalous fissures' mean? I do not speak nerd.

-These dudes are referred to as Cosmic Champions. Huh, well that sounds like some weird orgy gang.

-Instantly it starts with a fight. They are fighting "lab rats." They look like people to me, not mutated fighting rats a la Splinter from the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" (heroes in a half shell, turtle power!).

-Starhawk aka Blue Butterfly (this is how I will refer to him) is so trying to be Dr. Manhattan (thank you "Watchman" movie for the Dr. Manhattan reference).

-Radical. Blue Butterfly also sparkles.

-Weak Sauce. All the dudes have ridiculous names and the blonde girl is named Nikki! Nikki with two k's and an i. Give me a break.

-Hmmm...seems Orange County Chopper dad use to be an Avenger. I bet Iron Man kicked his old ass out of the group (is Iron Man an Avenger? Is he really like Robert Downey Jr. plays him? If so I would totally hang out with him).

-New development. Apparently I missed this but they fell into the sun, are alive now but maybe were dead and are now joined by a talking dog similar to Doug from "Up."

-Dog aka Doug 2.0, "Yarf-Yarf. Cosmo want to go to park! Cosmo want to chase ball and squirrels." Very similar to "Up"...just saying Pixar you might have a case on your hands...

-Ok seriously, what the hell? All of a sudden now I am with new peeps: a Bug Boy, someone named Peter and a green long haired naked baby. Oh yeah and Doug 2.0 (Cosmo).

-Nikki, with two k's and an i, is super shocked to find out Orange County Chopper dad can fly.

-It appears there are two teams, the Guardians and the others (just like "Lost") which consist of the new peeps mentioned above. They are all fighting some tripod thing.

-Time Travel. This is some "Lost" shit.

-I think I just stumbled upon my favorite frame and dialog of the whole book. The scene: both groups have just fought off the tripod, it is steaming from death in the background. Nikki, with two k's and an i, is standing looking at it, giving it what appears to be a thumbs up. Blue Butterfly is posing in the sky, still sparkling. Muscle smiley guy is running towards the front of the frame at what appears to be the same speed as Doug 2.0. Orange County Chopper dad is flying above the smoking tripod. Bug Man is trying to pawn naked green baby off on a Punk Hero with red, white and blue hair. Finally, new old guy, from the others, is talking to Viking Captain America and says the following: "Wow. That's just about the coolest thing I've ever seen anybody do with their clothes on, young man." Aaaaaaannnnd scene.

-Ugh lame. The Others, their group is called Butt Kickers of the Fantastic. Ugh.

-Ha, oh. They are also named Guardians of the Galaxy. Here is where I forgot about that little time travel thing. Old dude is just playing it cool. He doesn't want to blow their minds just yet.

-Famous name drop: Orson Welles.

-Now we are in what appears to be an alternate reality. This writer must really love "Lost."

-Blue Butterfly is soooooo sparkly! Apparently in the alternative reality or other future, Blue Butterfly was/is a girl.

-Now this is some Benjamin Buttons shit! "You've become anomalies, foreign bodies. The timestream's rejecting you. You will continue to age in these random ways until you cease to be." Spoken so eloquently as only a Blue Butterfly could.

-An Avengers reference. A time machine reference. An old man joke, all in one frame.

-Damn! Now we are having a "Back to the Future: Part One" moment. Remember when Marty started to vanish? Well Punk Rock Hero is starting to vanish in the exact same way. Mind blown.

-The Avengers use to play poker on Friday nights.

-Mud Man aka The Thing, owes Orange Chopper dad a thousand dollars.

-AAAARROOOOGA, THKOOOMMFF - According to my husband this is typical of comic book onomatopoeia.

-Just as they find the time machine, a flash of yellow light appears and BAM! Time travel/change. Hmmm...sounds eerily like "Lost" season 5.

-The Others have just transported to a new time and are gazing up on a large statue of an Evil Adam Warlock...."Lost"...cough cough.....four toe statue.....

-Well it seems the new world the others jumped to isn't so great. They are fighting some people once again. So it starts with a fight and ends with one.

Holy hell, I thought that would never end. So there you have it. My thoughts on Guardians of the Galaxy #18. Good night!

Ipod Wars

I stayed in last night due to some afternoon wine drinking that caused me to pass out at 6pm. Weak style, I know. Anyway, I was bored so I decided to compare my husbands ipod to mine. Why? No reason really, just for fun.

What I did was hit the shuffle button on them both and wrote down the first three songs that were played, errr shuffled.

My ipod shuffle produced the following three tunes:

"Der Kommissar” by After the Fire

"Could've Been So Blind” by The Black Crowes

"Sexy Can I” by Ray J and Yung Berg

“Der Kommissar,” yes this is just an English cover of the Falco version by the British group After the Fire, a one hit wonder. I like this song, even though I have no idea what Der Kommissar means, or what the guy is even talking about in the song. It is one of those I like due to the catchy beat.

Next The Black Crowes song “Could've Been So Blind,” well I have no idea what this song is! Ok so I just googled this song and am currently listening to it. Not bad, kind of sweet bluesy thing going on, a solid jam. If I smoked a shit ton of weed, this would rock my world. I think my fascination with The Black Crowes comes from when I got to go and see them live in Kansas City with my family. I wasn't actually invited to go at first but then my step dad had to go out of town so I snagged his spot. Needless to say during that show I totally saw what Kate Hudson dug in Chris Robinson for all those years.

Finally “Sexy Can I” by Ray J and Yung Berg. Sexy can I, just pardon my manners, girl how you shake it...sorry I can't help it, that song makes me immediately break down those player lyrics right on the spot (did anyone actually watch "For the Love of Ray J?"). I have nothing to really say about this one, it was put on my ipod by my husband as some Now Music download for a wedding he was dj-ing.

My husbands ipod produced the following three songs:

"Leave” by The Swell Season

"Nobody Lost, Nobody Found” by Cut Copy

"Nite Flights” by Scott Walker

Well shit. Usually there is a mix of death metal, old-skool-hip-hop that nobody has ever heard of and an abundance of Yes. I had to be a fair and not cheat in my experiment (even though it was very tempting) and low and behold his ipod spit out three kick ass songs.

“Leave” by The Swell Season is the guy from "Once." I love that movie and his music. I have nothing bad to say or ridicule. Dammit.

Next was “Nobody Lost, Nobody Found” by Cut Copy. Blurgh. Once again nothing bad to say since this is actually on my Ipod as well. Super Dammit!

Finally “Nite Flights” by Scott Walker. Initially I was excited since I thought this might be ambient space-music that people use to fall asleep to0. So, just when I thought I had a winner, I found out this dude is legit and one of David Bowie's major influences. Come on shuffle throw me a freaking bone!!!

With that the ipod shuffle experiment ends in failure. It turns out my husband just doesn't listen to nerd rock, video game music, death metal or the score to The Lord of the Rings.

Xbox

With my job there are some days and nights I have to travel to other cities in Nebraska. Tonight I had to go to Lincoln for an event. While on the phone earlier today with my husband the following conversation occurred.

Me: What is the deal with the pugs? Who is going to take care of them tonight?

Him: Jurgita (our Lithuanian neighbor, we love her) is. I think she is also taking them on a walk. When will you be home?

Me: 8:30-9:00 ish.

Him: Oh. Maybe you can extend that to later...

Me: No. Why?

Him: Well that doesn't give me enough time to play video games.

The Xbox probably ranks in the top 10 things my husband maybe loves more than me. Believe me that is a hard list to get on. It also involves cartoons, ninja's, comic books, hockey, kung fu movies and beer...just to give you an idea.

Anyway, about a year ago he started talking about the possibility of buying an X-box. He was already heavy into World of the Warcraft (or whatever that computer game is called. "WOW" for short), so the deal was if he got an Xbox, "WOW" would have to end. He agreed to stop playing the computer game and soon we were the proud owners of an Xbox 360.

Now not only with the Xbox do you just play video games, but you can play live, with your friends using the internet. When you play live you get to wear this totally sweet headset that plugs into the controller; think Janet Jackson circa Rhythm Nation. This enables you to have conversations with your friends while killing Zombies in "Left For Dead" (bazinga! I know a game name). Also, you can get a mini keyboard that plugs into your controller for times when you are chatting and just need to post something to facebook or write your friends a message. Who knows why you need to text when y0u have a headset, but I digress.

As with the Wii you get to design an avatar for the Xbox. My husband's avatar wears a Mexican wrestling mask, leggings (side note: he is now in a light blue tux, wardrobe change), fingerless gloves and has a pet pug. Totally S & M gay. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he and his friends are in an Xbox gang. Yep it totally just got gayer. The gang's name you ask? The Stabbed in the Throat Gang, and yes, that is a gay reference.

So a few months into the Xbox playing my husband was starting to feel bad and thought that I was feeling left out and wanted me to play (really I said, I was fine and did not feel left out). In late December I finally gave in and we set myself up with an Xbox live account and my own sweet avatar.

We would play each other in 1 vs 100 and Peggle. In fact, on Christmas night we came home from dinner at our Lithuanian neighbors, drunk, and played Peggle until 2:30 in the morning. Unlike my husband my love affair with the video games came to an end after the Christmas Holiday.

His affair is still going strong.

I will now leave you with a sample of some of the things I have heard from the headset chats. Feel free to make up what the other gang members are saying in response to the quotes below. It is a fun game.

-"Nobody cares, let's just keep that to ourselves."

-"In fact, the only thing that would make me happier is a robot monkey that would fetch me beer."

- "Cheevos!"

-"Do you know how fun that would be if we were all breeding horses and shit?"

-"Crystal Castles! That game is awesome!"

-"Babes, there is a new puzzle game. You would like it. You like puzzle games." (yes technically this was said to me, but he was wearing the headset when it was said, so it counts)

-"We're still wearing suits right?" (he is talking about the gang's avatars: their uniforms change frequently and you run the risk of ridicule if your avatar is not up on the latest fashion trend)

Conversations

CLAW HAND:

Tonight while I was doing my hair, yes I do it on occasion people, my husband and I had the following conversation.

Me: I think my hair dryer is dying. That did not sound good.

Him: For someone so concerned with our house catching fire why don't you just get a new one to replace that one?

Me: I know I am very concerned about a house fire. I don't think the house would catch fire due to my hair dryer. It would just spark and die out.

Him: It would explode in your hand. Remember if you become disfigured or blind I will leave you.

Me: I know, BUT, what if I replaced my hand with a claw hand?

Him: That could be hidden, you could maybe stay then. (editor's note: he thought claw hand meant disfigured hook hand. I need to be more specific, ie machine hand, Inspector Gadget hand, etc).

Me: Who would want to hide a claw hand? Also, what if you were like 'hey babes, can you please get me a beer' and I was on the couch and my claw hand could like extend all the way into the kitchen and get you that beer. Amazing!!!

Him: (this is where he realized claw meant awesome)Well now that is not really a claw hand anymore, that is more of a bionic hand. That I can totally get behind!

Me: Yeah that would be totally sweet. A bionic Inspector Gadget claw hand.

MUD MAN aka THE THING:

This conversation also occurred tonight, after a bottle of wine at dinner.

Me: Oh Mud Man (background: we were talking about Chris Evans, the new Captain America, who was in "The Fantastic Four" movies with the character The Thing)

Him: Mud Man! The Thing! His name is The Thing! Why do you think his name is Mud Man?

Me: I don't know, he is made of mud. Mud Man makes more sense.

Him: He is not made of mud.

Me: Yes he is, okay clay. Clay Man. Why don't they call him that? I don't like that, Mud Man has a better ring to it.

Him: He is made of rock or stone!

Me: Stone Man!! That is dumb. Mud Man.

Him: Did you know The Thing was named after the Sci-Fi classic movie "The Thing?"

Me: Oh the one with Kurt Russell?

Him: No! The one made before the Fantastic Four comic, in the 50s, "The Thing from another World."

Me: You mean "The Blob?"

Him: What?! No, "The Thing" "The Thing from Another World."

Me: Yeah with Kurt Russell.

Him: Oh my god!!!! "The Thing" with Kurt Russell was a remake of "The Thing" from the 50's and "The Blob" was about a blob!

Me: Huh. I still think he should be called Mud Man.

Nerd Love.

Mexico or Chicago?

Both places are great getaways. We were invited to both places this April. Mexico, for a wedding of our dear friends and Chicago to attend C2E2 (Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo), with some other dear friends. When presented with the two choices, I thought for sure Mexico would win this battle. You would think after 7 years I would know which place my husband would pick. C2E2 here we come!

You see I met, dated and married a nerd. Not only is he a comic nerd, he is an anime nerd, Star Trek and Star Wars nerd, Xbox nerd, food nerd (yes it does exist), etc. Don't believe me? He has a massive Hellboy (is that even one word?) tattoo on his left arm and the Starman's stars (no clue, don't even ask me to explain Starman) tattooed on his chest. I am a girl who likes to dance to Lady Gaga, watch "Dancing with the Stars," eat cookie dough for dinner and go to the gym. Two opposites to the outside world but to us it works, and we love each other.

So back to this awesome trip discussion. As you can probably tell I am stoked. What wife doesn't want to go spend two days at a comic convention with guests like Alex Ross, Max Brooks, David Finch, Jim Lee and Dash Shaw just to name a few of the people I've never heard of. Here is the link to the convention http://www.c2e2.com/. Jealous?

Side note: I just asked my husband who Alex Ross was (I suspected he had something to do with Batman). The look and answer I received from my question was one of disbelief.

"He is an artist/painter. Who has worked on many different covers and has done many paintings of characters," he said.

Well I inquired again on whether or not he had anything to do with Batman, because really that is all I want to know. "Did he work on Batman?! Yes, he has painted Batman," he said. With that he turned away to finish writing his comic blog.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he gets paid to write about comics too. http://www.worthpoint.com/author/matt-baum

Anyway, the truth is I am really looking forward to this trip. We have made a deal. I will spend Friday possibly going to a Cubs game and drinking in the afternoon while he nerds it up. Saturday I will have some lady friends to shop and eat with. In the end it works out for us both.