Friday, February 25, 2011

Cat Shit One

Friday night started like any other Friday night. We downloaded a Groupon for Dhaba (a local Indian place, yum!) where we were going to meet my husbands parents for dinner and then to view the Oscar nominated short films at Film Streams, (a local art house theatre). Well it snowed this evening here in Omaha, and underneath the little snow we received, black ice. How fun!!! So after three attempts to get my little Scion XA up three different hills on the way to dinner we found ourselves doing a 360 down 60th Street and stopping inches from a car accident at the bottom of the hill. Best.Friday.Night.Ever. After avoiding the car accident, we decided to stay in the 'hood' and have a lovely dinner at Pitch Pizzeria, and then come home for a treat. Yes, a treat for my loyal readers. I am going to live blog while watching a movie my husband recently ordered off of Amazon...Cat Shit One, a CG animated movie based loosely on Desert Storm, ladies and gentleman. You can view the trailer here. Enjoy!
(Oh by the way, we will be viewing the Japanese version not the English one. Nerd style of course.)

Live blog/notes:
-The opening credits seems a lot like "Three Kings" except the bad guys are camels and the good guys are rabbits. Racist already and not even 3 minutes in.
-"Is this racist? I can't decide," husband.
-When the racist 'American' rabbits talk their tails wag. Oh Johnny Cotton Tail you are such a tease!
-Okay take two. We had to switch to the English version with the Japanese dialogue and the English subtitles due to the previous DVD menu being in Japanese and we couldn't read it. Apparently it was written in Kanji (according to my husband).
-Motofumi Kobayashi is the man who wrote the comic this is based off of...that name sounds like a delicious place I would love to eat. (racist?)
-There doesn't seem to be a Japanese word for copy. The rabbits keep saying it into their walkie talkies at the end of their sentences.
-The camels are killing hostage bunnies!
-One of the rabbits is named Perkins but his bunny friend, Botasky (sniper) calls him Packy. I am already confused. Dammit.
-Side note: these racist bunnies are hella cute.
-"The animation is stunning," husband ("Despite the racist undertones," via me).
-A lot of camels getting shot in the neck and head. How do you really feel about Arabs Motofumi??
-This is more violent than a Quentin Tarantino movie.
-Oh hell's yes, a camel with an eye patch.
-And, Dead camel with an eye patch.
-Just learned 'shit' in Japanese.
-"Apparently one of the hostages is a camel, There are good camels, it's not racist," husband.
-First rabbit causality by a missile. Camels are rallying...Botasky is so screwed.
-"Is it strange that the camels hump isn't covered by their uniforms?" me
-My husband is giggling like Taylor Swift over here (not sure why I picked Taylor Swift, but she looks like a giggler).
-Botasky...not screwed.
-Oh man, their unit is called Cat Shit One (b-rabbit in da house (shout out to 8 mile!))
-They have to use a yellow smoke signal to call the chopper. Shout out to Native Americans!
-Packy don't be a hero....
-You know why Packy is the hero? His ears are down compared to the usual up-right rabbit ears (this is probably due to the hat he wears). That's why.
-Packy has two RPG's...WTF? (rocket propelled grenades - thank you husband).
-This reminds me of call of duty, and no I do not want to watch Water Ship Down. Husband says this is a perfect combo of both.
-Oh Botaksy, don't be a hero, stay with the yellow smoke my dude.
-Cue slow mo camels running shooting at Packy, oh crap! Camel shot in the head in Matrix-style slow mo, of course.
-Botasky to the rescue!!!
-I cannot believe I am watching this, isn't Say Yes to the Dress on or something?
-And a Black Hawk helicopter takes out a heard of camels. Of course it does.
-Why is the unit called Cat Shit One? I need this explained to me STAT.
-Botasky and Packy remind me of Frodo and Sam, only with big guns "I can't carry the ring, but I can carry your big gun." Gayyyyyy!
-Cue cute Japanese pop music to roll over end credits.
-Episode one over. Apparently this is not a movie but a series. Dear god there is more. Save me.

**disclaimer: Okay, so I really needed to write a blog this week and I figured, well hell, that DVD from Amazon from a few weeks ago was still here. So yes, it was my idea to watch Cat Shit One. I did this to myself.**

Friday, February 11, 2011

Silly Love Songs

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.
But I look around me and I see it isn't so. Oh, no
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
And what's wrong with that? - Paul McCartney and Wings "Silly Love Songs"

The most romantic faux holiday, Valentine's Day, is just right around the corner. A day when silly love songs are serenaded to loved ones and played on the radio for all to hear.

A few Friday nights ago my husband serenaded me with a little diddy. Can you guess what it was? No, it wasn't this song, or this (what? he could totally love some Backstreet Boys). Nope, not this one either. It was........this gem. The theme song to the 1980s G.I. Joe cartoon. Jealous?

After a night out with some friends and a lot of beer my husband feels the need to come home and watch The HUB network on direct tv. It airs such classics as: Transformers, Fraggle Rock and Pound Puppies. When the G.I. Joe theme song kicked in so did my husband. He started singing at the top of his lungs while moving his arms back and forth similar to this. When the theme song was over, he turned ever so seductively towards me smiling and raising an eyebrow as if to ask me if I was turned on. Really?!

Let's take a look at the lyrics below to see if I was mistaken to not be turned on:

Yoooooooo Joe!
He'll fight for freedom wherever there is trouble,
me: Well I suppose you can't really judge an entire song by the first two lines. I will give it sometime, it could become really sexy....

G.I. Joe is there!
me: Yeah, still not feeling the heat....who is this Joe? Do they refer to woman as Joe? I am getting off subject, refocus!

G.I. Joe...
A Real American Hero
G.I. Joe is there.
me: Well this song has just turned racist. There are other heroes that are not American take note cartoon land!!

Its G.I. Joe against Cobra and Destro,
Fighting to save the day.
He never gives up, he's always there,
Fighting for freedom over land and air.
me: This is the first time this song has some hotness potential. Joe vs. Cobra and Destro, fighting to save the day, never giving up, fighting for freedom and possibly for love? Romantic scale is tipping on the upside some....

G.I. Joe...
A Real American Hero
G.I. Joe is there.
me: yawn...racist repeat...romantic scale back to non-existing.

G.I. Joe is the codename for America's daring, highly trained, special mission force.
Its purpose: To defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule the world.
me: Oh! I like the spoken word interlude here. Although it would have been hotter if Marvin Gaye voiced it. Can you imagine? He would make Cobra sound like a sex act illegal in 8 states. Hot!

He never gives up, he'll stay till the fights won -
G.I. Joe will dare.
me: Sigh, I just don't think men fighting is all that hot, unless it
involves Mark Wahlberg boxing in "The Fighter."

G.I. Joe...
A Real American Hero
G.I. Joe!
me: After reviewing the theme song, I have come to the conclusion that my reaction on that Friday night was warranted.

Happy Valentines Day!! xoxo

Friday, February 4, 2011

Carlos the Dwarf

I am not even going to try and explain my absence. Really there is no excuse except that I am easily distracted with such things as work, Spaghetti Night, drinking wine, going out with friends, watching Parks and Recreation and so on.

So now that I am back, I thought I would revisit a topic that I have previously discussed on this blog. Welcome back: Dungeons & Dragons aka D & D.

Why revisit? Well, it started a few weeks ago while I was out with some buddies and consumed a few delicious red margaritas from Rivera's. When I arrived home, my husband had his monthly D & D game going on in our basement. I was far to drunk to drive myself anywhere else for the evening and they were short a player so I volunteered my services. Looking back, this would have been a disaster to all the basement dudes, so my husband made the right choice leaving me upstairs to watch the same three episodes of Law & Order: UK on the BBC the rest of the night.

Side note, one of the stars on the law part of that show was one of the main guys on the Battlestar Galactica reboot. I feel by being able to identify him I get some props and might just inch ahead of ninja's on my husbands favorite things chart (fingers crossed).

Ever since that night D & D has been surfacing everywhere I look. It first started with a clip from Freaks & Geeks (R.I.P). I sat over my lunch break and watched all 5 minutes of the clip laughing to myself thinking, "Oh my god. This is my husband and his friends, except they are much more attractive." (Disclaimer: James Franco is smoking hot, sorry dudes, he's the exception to the attractive statement)

Next, all I have been hearing for weeks is about the D & D episode that Community was going to air. As I sat there and watched it with my husband, I noticed between his giggles there were a few head shakes followed by, "They needed to get a real nerd in there to research this. Everyone should be rolling the dice. That's just not right."

I would ask a question here and there to him usually along the lines of "Do you do this?"
The response was usually a vague, "Sometimes...."

After that I made him watch the Freaks & Geeks clip and that seemed to be more similar to the D & D he and his buddies play what was on Community.

More importantly the clip and episode got me thinking. What really happens in our basement the first Friday of each month? I am not allowed to venture down there, nor do I ever think I should, but my imagination went wild and here is what I think should happen:

-Everyone needs to dress in character a la Senor Chang, even if it is a mild hate crime
-Invite James Franco
-Pencil sword fight like the geeks in the clip with a disco song playing in the background at least once an hour
-Eat an entire pizza...each
-Turn it Glee-esq by adding a song and dance number each time you arrive at a new village or meet a new character
-Give all your characters Latino names a la Carlos the Dwarf
-Someone dies of dysentery
-Harry Potter's invisibility cloak is introduced in the game, as well as Harry Potter, Boy Wizard (you would have to change his name however to follow the new rules, so welcome 'Hector Potter, Hechicero Chico')
-Your characters can only speak in Kayne West tweets.
For example: Jesus, Gnomo de Jardín enters the village Hogsmeade and stumbles upon Charo, Princesa Guerrera. He needs to buy a marble conference table.
Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I'm looking to have a conference... not until I get the table though
Charo: choose em wise
Jesus: Swiizzzzzzzyyyyy ..... I ain't playing fair right now...
Charo: I'm just tryna keep it symmetrical
Jesus: Let me talk to your boss's boss
Jesus: So Ima get my money LETS GO!
and scene....